Jonas vs Cullen
by Teen Sleuth
Summary: A cross-over story of sorts written for a friend for her b-day. Putting it here because it features Edward. Also features Joe Jonas and takes place at our school. Like I said, it's a gift and meant to be for fun and not strictly Twilight.


**A/N**: I wrote this for Marisa (dusk writer) for her birthday and gave it to her at school on Friday. It had some typos so this is the edited version. I hope you all enjoy it, though some of the humor is inside jokes, and I'm going wish Risi a very happy birthday again!

"Wow, Edward Cullen is gorgeous. He's such a –" Marisa began.

"-masochistic lion," her biffle Taryn finished.

"Sure?"

"Well, that's what it says in the books…"

"True, but I honestly just think he's insanely hot and attractive."

"Who doesn't? God, why are we so obsessed? Damn you, Stephenie Meyer!" The two girls then laughed in unison.

"We're dorks," Marisa stated.

"Absolutely pathetic," Taryn agreed.

Just then, a cliché pushed its way into this story. Marisa continued walking with Taryn until she crashed into a tall, dark and handsome stranger.

"Oh, I'm sorry," both of them said contritely. Marisa looked up to see the quintessence of sexy standing before her. The statue of Adonis, the –

"OMFG SQUEE! It's Edward Cullen!" Taryn screamed excitedly. Emphasis on the word screamed.

"What?! How do you know?" Marisa asked, confused.

Taryn pointed above Edward's head. Sure enough, a large blinking sign in the shape of an arrow was hovering above the handsome boy's head. It clearly read "Edward Cullen" on it, now making Marisa truly aware of what was going on. Yes, it was a blinking sign. This is a silly story for a friend's birthday, whoever told you this had to make sense is sadly mistaken!

"I know what you're thinking," he began, his smooth velvet voice giving both girls eargasms. He knew that didn't fully understand what was going on, after all, he could read thoughts. "I'm just a fictional character, sure. Well, whatever. I'm here now, and I'm sure, actually, I _know_ you don't mind."

Both girls nodded their heads, but he seemed to solely be talking to Marisa. Taryn's thoughts were probably freaking him out.

"You have sweet smelling blood," he commented.

Marisa's face flushed bright red. "Thanks," she replied bashfully.

Just then, to add some corny drama to our story (and to lean into our main plot), a violent gust of wind moved into the A200's hallway where they were standing. All the math teachers ran out of their rooms in fear.

"2+2 equals 4!" they all screamed as they ran away. The guys in the halls thought the wind was cool, like some cool so they stayed around. Alex (last name taken out for security purposes - kid at out school) especially liked it, and began to reason with the occurrence itself. The girls began to scream but stopped when the wind slowed down and Joe Jonas appeared in its place.

Every girl in the hall screamed at the top of their lungs.

"Stop!" Joe yelled, pointing towards Edward. "Don't touch her! I already promised her my hand in marriage on a live web chat!"

"Why should I? I could snap your neck in half in a half a second."

"But what will Carlisle say?" Joe asked laughing mischievously.

Edward grunted.

"Thought so," Joe said, grinning.

Edward grunted again and then tuned into Joe's thoughts.

_Wow. Marisa is so much hotter than I imagined. I should take her to starbucks because that place is cool. I bet we have the same favorite drink because that's just the way we roll._

Edward rolled his eyes.

"What are you rolling your eyes at…punk?" Joe asked.

"Starbucks? Hotter than you imagined? Your thoughts are boring. I'd rather listen in on Jessica Stanley's gossip."

"Was that a diss?"

"Yes, it_ was_ an insult," Edward replied coolly.

A brawl was sure to break out soon, so all the Twilight fans gathered behind Edward and the screaming Jonas Brothers fangirls gathered behind Joe. Marisa and Taryn leaned up against the lockers with inscrutable looks on their faces as they watched. OMG 601 WORD!!11!!1!! ORGASM lolz.

But there was no brawl. Instead, Joe took out a guitar and said, "I'm gonna pwn you with my awesome music skillz."

Edward didn't seem to care.

"Hold on, Joe said, "Is this your way of making me feel like an underdog? If it is, you might need to call out for an SOS or else you and Marisa will be just friends and then you'll have to watch as we get married in Australia in 6 minutes."

Edward just stood in place. The Twilight fans were getting a little restless.

"Edward! Fight back!" They encouraged, but he did nothing. This pissed Joe off.

"What is your issue?" Joe screamed at Edward like a pubescent girl.

"You." Another casual reply, but a growling noise began to build up in his chest.

Finally they fought for real. The fight looked like a ball of dust with limbs sticking out, synonymous to cartoon brawls.

When it was over, Joe looked horrible, and Edward's perfect skin was barely harmed aside from a red bitchslap handprint on his face.

They both turned to face Marisa. Joe smiled as best he could and Edward raised an eyebrow at her.

"I think they want you to choose," Taryn whispered.

Marisa looked torn. Edward was the perfect guy, and Joe… Joe was –

"Joe."

"Huh?"

"I pick Joe."

All of a sudden Tracy Turnblad came out of nowhere and began to sing. _I can hear the bells! Well, dontcha hear 'em chiiiime?_

And sure enough, in 6 minutes Marisa and Joe were in Australia holding on to each other's hands. Now they were more than just friends and Joe definitely wasn't the underdog. Taryn never called out for an SOS and Taryn told Marisa that this whole story was what she went to school for.

Il finit? You bet your booties!


End file.
